Question: I am really struggling (perhaps involving depression). [Reader describes personal circumstances here; removed for privacy sake] I am not involved with any group (church or whatever) as I don’t have any desire to get out like that. I am a strong/devoted Christian and that is what keeps my head above water. I worry what will become of me when I am living here alone, my greatest worry. I am so lonely. Are there web sites, blogs of folks who are where I am?
- – - – - – - – - – - – - -
It’s hard to know how to advise you when you’ve dismissed the idea of “getting out” because that IS THE ANSWER, the only answer to your situation.
Invest your time and life in others. That is THE CURE for loneliness and depression caused by too much time sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.
How are you a “strong Christian” if you are not out involved in a good Christian gathering (church)? That is why the Bible commands us not to “forsake assembling” ourselves (Heb 10:25). You cannot be a strong Christian in isolation. God knows what is best for us and that why He told us to regularly MEET for worship, fellowship and service together.
You are only alone because of your refusal (based on feelings or desire) to find other local Christians to be your “family”. You DO NOT need to find other people who “are where you are at”…. continuing in self pity and sitting around lamenting life with others who feel just like you is like a person who has a drug problem hanging out with drug addicts to discuss how bad they have it.
I know my advice here is rather blunt, and may even seem insensitive. But trust me, it’s not. Like the Doctor who needs to cut you open or stick with a needle to help you heal, my advice is given with the best intention of shaking you loose from the depressing direction you are headed and “heal” your situation.
Your feelings don’t matter PRIMARILY. Feelings are a byproduct of our CHOICES. Who cares if you “don’t have the desire” to get out and become involved. You may not have the “desire” to have your chest cracked open for open heart surgery either, but you would do it IF YOU NEEDED TO. Same thing here… You may not have the “desire” to get out of bed and go to work, but you CHOOSE to do it because it’s what NEEDS to be done.
Get up. Right now. This minute. Don’t wait. Get up, get out. Get involved in investing your life in other people. Help at nursing homes. Help with needy kids. Minister at Church. Serve and help others. Find, and get involved, with people who are DOING SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIFE (as opposed to finding other people “in your situation” where you can engage in a group pity party).
I’ll state this confidently:
the number one cure for
run-of-the-mill “blues” (depression) is to quit
focusing on yourself and focus on serving others.
Every day you sit alone, purposely isolating yourself and feeling sorry for your struggle, is another day YOU CHOOSE “depression”, YOU CHOOSE loneliness, YOU CHOOSE isolation. Yes, you can go find MILLIONS of people who will tell you depression is a sickness you cannot help, and it’s not your fault. HORSE PATOOEY!
The typical bout of depression is caused by self focus, self pity and discontent. All of those are CHOICES that people make then blame the resulting FEELINGS on “illness”. That is humanist hogwash (and the usual disclaimer: I’m not talking about physical depression caused by genuine physical trauma or sickness. I’m talking about the common “I don’t feel good about life ‘blues’”).
FEELINGS FOLLOW CHOICE. Make the CHOICE to get out, serve, invest your life in others, become active with other “strong Christians” and very soon (probably immediately) you’ll find that your FEELINGS and DESIRES will “magically” change.
You are only alone if you CHOOSE to be alone. Email me (brent@brentriggs.com) and tell me where you live, and how to contact you. By the end of the week, a train load of fellow Christians will contact you and invite you to “not be alone” anymore.
Knock off the pity party. Self pity is the most pitiable and pitiful of all human emotions. You’re a blessing. Get up, get out, and become a blessing to others and there you’ll find THE CURE to your loneliness and depression.
Email and blogs are “cold”, lacking body language and facial expression. So you’ll just have to CHOOSE to believe this advice is given with a big hug and a huge dose of love.
 |
I would be very grateful if you
|
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Brent,
Your response is a bit harsh/blunt; however, I can testify to the truth of your advice. I struggle with depression (not medical/clinical). I do find the best cure for it is reaching out to someone else’s needs. Yes, I still hurt and I am still lonely but I refuse to allow Satan to manipulate my circumstances so I cannot be a blessing in the Kingdom of God.
Sometimes I feel as if God is the only person I have that I can truly and freely share “me”. I have discovered others don’t have the time or they don’t care or they are so burdened that they cannot hear or my hurts offends them or they feel sorry for me. All I want is a listening ear and to know someone cares. Well Someone does care! The Creator! The Savior! Isn’t that better than the created or the saved?
Dear Lonely, we are God’s workmanship created for good works! We are living stones (lithos not petra). You see stones for a building are specifically chosen and chiseled and placed in alignment with the Cornerstone which is Christ (2Peter 2:2-8 and Ephesians 2:19-22). If you are not involved with a body of with those who practice what the Bible teaches, you are a stone by yourself. Come, join a body of believers and be apart of His church.
I do not know your circumstances but I do know this. Since Satan cannot take our salvation away, he can try to make us as ineffective as possible so that God’s Kingdom is hampered and so God will not receive the glory He is due.
I tell you this not to incite guilt but encourage you that He is bigger than our depression and can even use our circumstances to minister to others. This is my hope for I struggle in my own circumstances.
May the God of peace comfort you.
I really appreciate what you have to say. It is so right and true. I don’t often comment and reply but felt I had to on this. Being downcast is so often the result of being centered on self only. We can’t be our best without the presence of the church in our lives. Larry C.
I would agree with “blunt” but not “harsh”…. harsh has the tone of not really caring about the other person and that is not the case. Sometimes the doctor has to cut, stick, poke and scrub… “harsh” in that sense, but the motivation is to heal. The run of the mill depression that Christians experience is both unnecessary and completely “curable” with a dose of selflessness and some CHOICES of the will.
Now, having said that, I don’t dismiss the effectiveness of someone else’s approach either. We are not all alike. I sure that some of you, especially the ladies would be much “softer” in your communication. Neither approach is ALWAYS right or always wrong… in fact, often it takes a combination of both to be effective.
And Donna, thank you for confirming the truth that the way for Christians to deal with depression is SELFLESSNESS. There’s nothing a CHOICE to quit thinking about “me” if I want to shake out of depression.
This advice is very good. You can’t be lonely if you are serving others. There are so many people who are bedridden or disabled and really have no choices but to be alone. Why you could go and visit some of them, then you both would have an answer for lonliness. Take your eyes off of your situation and turn them outward. You will be amazed with the needs that you, especially can meet. Christ ministered to the masses. We are His disciples, we are to do as He did. Get out and minister. If you are afraid, feel the fear and do it anyway! You will be pleasantly surprised with what happens. I guarantee it!
God bless you and thank you for standing up for God and for what He calls good as opposed to what the world does. Frankly if the world calls something “good” then that’s excellent incentive to run in the opposite direction as fast as your feet will take you. There’s one thing I can always count on here and that is that there is no “compromise” or “gray areas” in the topics you write about. Just as there are NONE in the Word of the living God. I appreciate your candor and your honesty. To be popular with the “world” we would then be “unpopular” with the Creator.
As for me, just like you? I’d rather be “popular” with God in standing up for what He says. God bless you for all you do.
Maranantha!