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My son and girlfriend live together with her 5 yr old son. I do believe they love each other and trust in the Lord, however they are not abiding by His way of marriage. Can you please discuss this?


Here is the entire question:

My son and girlfriend live together with her 5 yr old son. My son has always had a deep faith, the girl is teaching Sunday School.
Both were hurt in previous marriages 5 yrs ago, the girl is ready to get married and make it alright in God’s eyes, my son I fear still has a fear of a marriage going wrong. I do believe they love each other and trust in the Lord, however they are not abiding by His way of marriage. Can you please discuss this?

We live in the era of the lukewarm church where obviously sinful behavior and choices are routinely followed by the exclamation “but they really are a good and godly person in their heart”.

We would do well to simply call situations like they are, instead of deceiving ourselves or making excuses – even if they are our own loved ones.

If two people are living together out of wedlock is both antithetical to professing Christianity to claim a “deep faith”, and simply hypocritical to be teaching a Sunday school (where is the church leadership?). Does the paradox go unnoticed of someone living in fornication and/or adultery teaching a classroom full of Sunday school children that they should obey God?

Trust me, I am not unsympathetic to people who have gone through marital agony but it does not negate God’s clear commandments for moral behavior. Nor does a fear of being hurt allow us the liberty to live together and indulge in sexual sin while ignoring God’s commandments about marriage. All too often this “fear of being hurt” is nothing more than a convenient excuse not to become spiritually and contractually bound to a marital covenant.

Given your description, I would have to be concerned about whether or not they are truly saved (notice I said “concerned” not convinced; only God can judge the heart), and whether or not they actually love each other… or are they simply enjoying the benefits of marriage without the responsibility of it?

True Christian love does not actively disobey God. So for those professing to be Christians it is especially problematic to claim that you have a “deep faith” and a “genuine love” that is truly godly when you’re manifesting that faith and love and obvious disobedience of God’s clear commands.

Simply getting married “make things right in God’s eyes” is in my opinion mocking God. Do not be deceived, God is not mocked for whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap (Galatians 6:7). Of course marriage is the right thing compared to fornication, but to think that simply getting married in this situation will make everything all right , and the marriage will be magically blessed by God, is naïve.

That’s not to say the marriage is doomed and cannot work but the issues of rebelliousness, disobedience and hypocrisy in the lives of a couple would also need to be dealt with.

Of course a couple, even one professing to be Christian, could theoretically be ignorant about God’s commandments concerning fornication and marriage. This does not seem likely for two people described as having “a deep faith” and teaching Sunday school. It would seem more of a case of simply thumbing their nose at God’s requirements, mistaking his mercy and patience for disinterest.

The going conclusion about God’s opinion of our sinful choices today is that “it is easier to get forgiveness than permission”. So we simply do whatever we feel like doing with the intention of asking God to forgive us later. How convenient.

Since they are professing Christians, it is every Christian’s duty as a part of their lives to confront them over this sin and try to convince them to repent and make the necessary changes. Biblically, if they refuse to make those changes, the church should enact Christian discipline (Matt 18) against them with the purpose of restoring them and their relationship.

If they are in a church teaching Sunday school is highly unlikely that this church will ever enact Christian discipline for obvious reasons.

I’m not really sure what my advice is other than if you are a Christian then it is your duty to confront them with biblical truth concerning their sin with firmness and love. And of course continue to pray that God will convict them and they will return to true obedience and faith in God.