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Someone sent me one of those emails full of interesting photos. As I viewed these, it dawned on me that I could use them to teach some valuable lessons about parenting.

Feel free to comment with your experience and observations too. It’s time we got serious about parenting in this country:

For parents who like to pretend that no one else can hear their little angel throwing a tantrum in public, the new and improved “sound dampening plastic bag” can show you are concerned about not disrupting those around you, and as you can see, also doubles as a both an umbrella and rain gear on those watery motorcycle trips with your preschooler. The lawyers still suggest you put the “danger: child hazard” warning labels on the open toed sandals but if the child sits IN FRONT on the motorcycle, they are not necessary.

Obviously, for any SANE parent who gives even the slightest care about their children, this is an OUTRAGE!  First, given the child’s age a two-handed grip technique is a must. Second, the kid is wearing flip-flops. How irresponsible. That is a semi-automatic weapon and a hot shell might eject onto her foot and burn it. Idiot father. Also, a semi-automatic magazine loaded handgun is a horrible choice for her development. She needs a six shooter where she can make the round bullets fit in the round holes not only teaching her proper gun loading but giving her more education than a week at her public school.

Never under equip your children and put them in danger. Loose single beer bottles not only get warm quicker, they can fall out of the playskool basket and break. I’ll have to give the parent the benefit on this one though because its very obvious the kid is going to be sent straight out into the frigid winter cold to keep the beer from getting skunky.

Many people would have a big problem with this. However this is socially correct on many levels. First, they are carpooling, saving on pressure energy and carbon emissions. Next, they are NOT driving some big gas-hogging poverty-creating SUV bought on credit just to keep up social appearances. Also, the parents are clearly putting the child first in priority: they aren’t wearing helmets so that if they all crash, they will die too and not just the child.  However, I do freely admit they are giving the finger to our laws by not having blinkers or brake lights on the stroller.

Parents should encourage children to play outdoors and learn about wildlife. Too many kids don’t know anything about animals except what they see on TV programs. Giving them a first hand opportunity to interact with God’s creatures instills in them an appreciation of all those marvelous critters. It will also give them critical life experience with painful rodent bites, lacerations from claws and most importantly, excruciating rabies shots right in their pudgy little donut-softened tummies.

Every good parent knows that learning comes faster and sticks longer with real life object lessons. What thickness of ice will support two children? How many minutes can a 6 year old survive in frigid water? How many cycles of CPR are recommended before pronouncing a child dead?  In one short field trip your kids learn valuable facts about math, medicine, physics and survival.

What parent doesn’t want their child to get ahead with their career choice or on the job training? Don’t be jealous when this kid already has a badge and is directing traffic while your little junior is still partying your money down the drain in college.  Tough love, no pain no gain.

While most people would see this as dangerous, this father is to be commended on avoiding the hellishly evil practice of spanking. Instead of “hitting” his children and teaching them violence, he is going to lovingly apply a jolt of 10,000,000 volts to their hind ends. That sounds awful but very little of the shock penetrates through Huggies, Osh Kosh and the typical fatty layer produced by soda filled baby bottles and 27 holidays a year that requires loads of candy. More parents should quit “hitting” their children (under the innocuous sounding label of “spanking”)… as if loving, controlled and appropriately uncomfortable consequences applied to their ample tushes would actually make them behave better anyway. I mean, come on… how barbaric.  Less spanking, more electrocution!

While the rest of you wonder how to get your lazy 20 year old off the couch, so they’ll finally get a license and job, this family has a major headstart on you. This kid will probably own his own business by 10, and assuming he’s not a Nascar prodigy, he’ll no doubt be bungee jumping and running for Congress by the time your ne’er-do-well moves into his girlfriends apartment.  Look at the little warrior…. he’s TAUNTING the driver behind him, daring him to catch up!

I already mentioned all those parents who ignore their temper tantrum throwing brat and expect everyone else to pretend its not happening too. You should allow little Suzy to vent her feelings and express herself. After all, no matter HOW AWFUL the kid is acting, its only because “she’s tired”.  Don’t tell that to THESE old styled parents. “Shut up kid or I’ll shut you up”.  No “I’ll count to 10…” or “if I tell you one more time” idle threats.  Quit your whining kids or….  The only objection I have is it might hurt the lads self esteem which is of course the HIGHEST priority of parenting today.  I mean, how good can a kid feel about themselves with a flat face?

Parents are so selfish today. “I’m my kids mom…” Really? Then why can’t your kid waste money they don’t have on those slot machines (taxes for the stupid) they can’t afford and then go collect government welfare just like Mom? Families that are financially irresponsible together, stay together.  And collect food stamps together. And raise future moocher generations together.

I think all people should get to choose which little bundle of joy they take home. This is real pro-choice. What I appreciate about this photo, is the frugality of setting up an infant flea market in the back a truck and taking to the streets. As far as I’m concerned this should be a constitutional right. The free market will meet any demand if politicians will just get out of the way. Notice how carefully the babies have been grouped by how they look so that if you get the wrong one it won’t be that traumatic. Very conscientious…

“crack is whack!!!”

’nuff said.